I've reached the point in my life that Save the Dates flood my refrigerator. Several engagements happen every.single.dang.weekend. And then "soooo, any boys?!?!" is a conversation every person ask me when I come home. Does this sound familiar to you?
Now, to preface this post. I am 100% for marriage. I love the idea that two people are so in love that they are willing to devote the rest of their lives to each other. I am genuinely ecstatic for all my friends who are engaged, or on that track. And one day, I hope to find someone that I can enter marriage in with.
But,
I'm tired of people thinking that life begins after you get married.
Last time I checked, my life began on a fine October day twenty one years ago. Life began when I entered the cold, bright world screaming at the top of my lungs. It did not begin when I went on my first date, had my first kiss, or said "i love you" the first time.
So don't look at me with pity when I tell you I'm single (and being at a Southern, Christian college that look happens a lot more than you think). I am not pitiful. I am not sad. I am not desperate.
Believe it or not, I'm happy (WHAT!!!), which seems like such taboo in the culture I'm growing up in. But yes, it's true. I love the life I'm living. I love that I can come back from school, cook dinner for 1 and watch Netflix. I love that I can talk to whoever I want without worrying if my boyfriend will get jealous. I love that I have learned to be by myself and be okay in that.
I'm so tired of hearing
"I'll be happier once I have a boyfriend."
or
"I'll change *a certain habit* once I get a girlfriend."
No.No.No.
That's not how it works.
Be happy by yourself. I can't say this enough-IF YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY BY YOURSELF, YOU WON'T BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!
You can't always be looking for someone to make you feel pretty, or worthy, or smart, or beautiful. Find it out for yourself. It's such a liberating feeling the morning you wake up and decide to live for yourself, and not to impress someone else.
Also, if you want to change something, JUST DO IT. Who cares.
Earlier this year, I was debating getting my hair cut. Not just a trim, but a dramatic change. I had been wanting to for some time, but was always hesitant about it. Want to know what the biggest thing holding me back was??? It was because I wanted my hair to be long for my wedding.
..........
Guys, I don't even have a boyfriend. Why on Earth was I letting a figment of my imagination control my decisions. As soon as I realized this, I called the salon and got a good 8 inches cut off. And guess what? I absolutely LOVE it. If you want to change, then do it. Do it for yourself.
And please don't get me wrong, I want to find someone who makes me feel complete and happy and lovely. I want those things. Just earlier tonight, I was texting my roommate and these are the exact words out of my mouth
"Ugh...I want to be 30 with a couple of kids, with a cute husband living in a cute house with a dog and garden and wooden swing in the yard."
So I'm not sitting here saying that I have it all figured out. But after sending that text, I thought, "you know what, in 10 years we'll be texting saying 'let's go back to college where we had no responsibility, sick children or annoying husbands.'"
I tell you this because the future always looks better than we think. We have to enjoy the present. I know that in 10 or so years, when I'm up at 3:30 cleaning up vomit and soothing a sick child, I will look back at the nights I was up laughing with my roommates at 3:30.
So right now, I choose to live in the present and enjoy whatever gets thrown at me. I love my life. And I am not defined by the relationships I do or don't have. And if you think that you are, maybe you should take some time to examine if you're living a life you really want.
Now, to preface this post. I am 100% for marriage. I love the idea that two people are so in love that they are willing to devote the rest of their lives to each other. I am genuinely ecstatic for all my friends who are engaged, or on that track. And one day, I hope to find someone that I can enter marriage in with.
But,
I'm tired of people thinking that life begins after you get married.
Last time I checked, my life began on a fine October day twenty one years ago. Life began when I entered the cold, bright world screaming at the top of my lungs. It did not begin when I went on my first date, had my first kiss, or said "i love you" the first time.
So don't look at me with pity when I tell you I'm single (and being at a Southern, Christian college that look happens a lot more than you think). I am not pitiful. I am not sad. I am not desperate.
Believe it or not, I'm happy (WHAT!!!), which seems like such taboo in the culture I'm growing up in. But yes, it's true. I love the life I'm living. I love that I can come back from school, cook dinner for 1 and watch Netflix. I love that I can talk to whoever I want without worrying if my boyfriend will get jealous. I love that I have learned to be by myself and be okay in that.
I'm so tired of hearing
"I'll be happier once I have a boyfriend."
or
"I'll change *a certain habit* once I get a girlfriend."
No.No.No.
That's not how it works.
Be happy by yourself. I can't say this enough-IF YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY BY YOURSELF, YOU WON'T BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!
You can't always be looking for someone to make you feel pretty, or worthy, or smart, or beautiful. Find it out for yourself. It's such a liberating feeling the morning you wake up and decide to live for yourself, and not to impress someone else.
Also, if you want to change something, JUST DO IT. Who cares.
Earlier this year, I was debating getting my hair cut. Not just a trim, but a dramatic change. I had been wanting to for some time, but was always hesitant about it. Want to know what the biggest thing holding me back was??? It was because I wanted my hair to be long for my wedding.
..........
Guys, I don't even have a boyfriend. Why on Earth was I letting a figment of my imagination control my decisions. As soon as I realized this, I called the salon and got a good 8 inches cut off. And guess what? I absolutely LOVE it. If you want to change, then do it. Do it for yourself.
And please don't get me wrong, I want to find someone who makes me feel complete and happy and lovely. I want those things. Just earlier tonight, I was texting my roommate and these are the exact words out of my mouth
"Ugh...I want to be 30 with a couple of kids, with a cute husband living in a cute house with a dog and garden and wooden swing in the yard."
So I'm not sitting here saying that I have it all figured out. But after sending that text, I thought, "you know what, in 10 years we'll be texting saying 'let's go back to college where we had no responsibility, sick children or annoying husbands.'"
I tell you this because the future always looks better than we think. We have to enjoy the present. I know that in 10 or so years, when I'm up at 3:30 cleaning up vomit and soothing a sick child, I will look back at the nights I was up laughing with my roommates at 3:30.
So right now, I choose to live in the present and enjoy whatever gets thrown at me. I love my life. And I am not defined by the relationships I do or don't have. And if you think that you are, maybe you should take some time to examine if you're living a life you really want.
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