Pretending

You want to know what's wrong with the world? We have been taught to not show any emotion. Tears show we are weak. Happiness shows we are being arrogant or showing off. Anger only happens when there's something else wrong with you (mentally or emotionally). We are taught that no matter what, we have to have it all together. Or at least pretend that we do. We walk around with straight faces and when someone ask how we are, we say "fine." Fine. I hate the word fine. No one is really fine. Our world consist of 6.7 billion people (or somewhere in that arena). 6.7 billion people with junk and baggage. People who are lost, broken,empty and searching for more.

Now, as a Christian, I know that Christ is the one that I was searching and still am searching for to fill this void in my heart. I know that Christ is the only One who can fill this ache and emptiness, yet I continue to try and fill it with relationships, grades, a job, gossip, even sleeping..anything that will temporarily relieve me from this ache. And I know I am not the only one who does this. We get so consumed with being the best or doing the most or being the busiest just to forget about the brokenness of our situations. But at the end of the day, at least I know these things won't satisfy me more than Christ. But my heart aches for that girl who is looking to her boyfriend to tell her she's beautiful and worth it because she really doesn't believe it. Or the boy who is determined to get into medical school to become a neurosurgeon to make the most money so he can live comfortable with his wife, two kids and a dog. Or the college freshman who can't seem to make any friends and just locks herself in her room, sleeping the days away. My heart aches because my school is full of these people, I just know it.

I don't understand why we can't wrap our minds around the fact that we are ALL broken. There is not one person breathing right now that hasn't gone through some type of hurt. But yet, our prideful nature makes us believe that we are the only ones who are going through whatever we are going through and no one could possibly understand us. Why should we feel like we will be judged when we share our struggles and hard things going on in life? Why can't I honestly answer when someone ask me how I am? I don't want to be vulnerable. And I think a lot of us are like that. We don't like to be exposed. We've been hurt before and we don't want the world to know our problems. We don't want to feel like a burden to the person we're talking to. We don't want to put down our guard and finally admit that we don't have it all together. It all comes back to the issue of pride.

I challenge you (the handful of people who actually read my blog) to become more vulnerable. I'm not saying that you have to cry all the time or you punching a hole through your wall is okay. You can show emotions in a healthy way when the time presents itself. I know that you can't honestly answer every time someone ask you how you are. I get asked about 50 times a day, and I'm not going to tell 50 different people a sob story about how I have so much homework and work and RUF and blah, blah, blah. But I can tell you from experience that when you're real about your life, people will be real about theirs. I don't know about you, but I would way rather know the screwed up person you are than the fake person you're trying to be. And being a Christian, I love seeing how God has redeemed the lives of many of my friends. What a joy it is to hear about someone's past and how God has used it in their lives presently.

I'm tired of pretending. I'm ready to shed this coat of being fine and try on being real. Join me and perhaps we can start breaking down this wall of pretending.

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