This is part of my journal entry from yesterday just about how lucky I am.
"I was thinking today about my past. How *a certain boy* made me feel so unloved, not worth anything, not pretty enough, useless.That's how i felt almost all the time. I know I shouldn't have because I have God, but I was insecure, long for love but obviously looking in the wrong places. Then senior year I pretty much gave up on looking for someone. I was going to college the next year and in my mind a short relationship would be pointless, it couldn't survive college or the distance. And a lot of the time I think that God likes to prove me wrong. Because then Bryce came into the picture. As I sit here, almost 13 months after our first date, I sit in awe of how I got so lucky. I dont deserve it. There isn't a single day that goes by without him telling me how beautiful I am, how amazing I am, how lucky he is, and how much he loves me. Nine times out of ten I disagree, say "whatever," or tell him to shut up. But it's just because I dont know how to react. No one has ever told me those things before. Bryce has always been a source of encouragement, even when we were just friends. Even though there are times when he jokes around and pokes fun at certain things I do, there has never been one time that he has called me ugly, fat, or anything else of the sort. It means a lot to me. I don't even think he knows how much I appreciate him and how much his words really do mean to me."
-January 12, 2012
"I was thinking today about my past. How *a certain boy* made me feel so unloved, not worth anything, not pretty enough, useless.That's how i felt almost all the time. I know I shouldn't have because I have God, but I was insecure, long for love but obviously looking in the wrong places. Then senior year I pretty much gave up on looking for someone. I was going to college the next year and in my mind a short relationship would be pointless, it couldn't survive college or the distance. And a lot of the time I think that God likes to prove me wrong. Because then Bryce came into the picture. As I sit here, almost 13 months after our first date, I sit in awe of how I got so lucky. I dont deserve it. There isn't a single day that goes by without him telling me how beautiful I am, how amazing I am, how lucky he is, and how much he loves me. Nine times out of ten I disagree, say "whatever," or tell him to shut up. But it's just because I dont know how to react. No one has ever told me those things before. Bryce has always been a source of encouragement, even when we were just friends. Even though there are times when he jokes around and pokes fun at certain things I do, there has never been one time that he has called me ugly, fat, or anything else of the sort. It means a lot to me. I don't even think he knows how much I appreciate him and how much his words really do mean to me."
-January 12, 2012
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